Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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