My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
