Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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