I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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