just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize