Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
