he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
