Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
