I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
