Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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