I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
