there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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