giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
