Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
