she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
