he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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