I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
