Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
