wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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