My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
