Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
