where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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