You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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