just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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