I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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