Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
