I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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