Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
