You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
