Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize