I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
