CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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