so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
