my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
