Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
