my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
