i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
