i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
