didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm eating all of the evidence.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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