if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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