i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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