come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
