Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
