Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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