Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
