just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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