If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
