Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
