and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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