I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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