when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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