I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I understand Curling. That high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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