Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
