i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
