She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
