I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
