my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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