He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
