In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
