ya dads aren't the best wingmen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
