i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
