What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
