After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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