I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
