I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
