Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
