When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize