you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i love accidental penises.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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