Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
