Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
