Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
